No-one remembers when the adventure began. I certainly don´t. It is unknown like the mystery of when Matt’s warrior mage started hoarding all the equipment.
Every day he gets obsessed with a new powerful attack combination. And don´t get me on Anthony´s halfling necromancer. He keeps wanting to revive every foe so it can carry his equipment. Of course, the GM says no. Wait a second. Yes, that´s better. Just had to wash my back leg. I try to sit still and not bother anyone. That´s probably why they let me stay in the attic rather than the bloody dog basket. Just thinking about it makes me want to whine and bark. Much like the first edition of Dungeons and Dragons. When my owners aren´t looking during my Saturday afternoon walks I nuzzle up to the glass windows of comic stores to see the latest releases. Man, the number of DM’s aids have really shot up since I was a puppy. Andrew doesn´t like the complication of other systems so we just have his tattered old hardbacks. He gets overwhelmed easily. I know because when I jump up onto his desk he is always on some messageboard trying to resolve a question that came up in a sesssion. Really workman like but lacking that spark. Rob and his cleric thief, on the other hand, have way too much spark. But he uses all that energy to pound the DM with questions. I say a good session is fast moving, and intuitive. A second edition game would really rock. But no-one asks me.
“No-one asks me anything,” says Rob. He casts his die at the table.
Andrew peers over the GM screen.
“Enough of the histrionics,” says Andrew. “Can we get on with it?”
Vernoica looks at me and tilts her head like she is trying to divine my thoughts. Fat chance.
“God, I swear that Benji actually understands what I´m saying,” says Veronica.
“He eats his shit and washes his balls. He´s a dog,” says Andrew. “Now, can you all shut up so I can tell you where you all are and we can really get into this great scene I spent all night creating.”
Everyone sighs. I whimper.
“In the forest, there is a sign,” says the GM. “It reads, `Beware Troll farm ahead´.